Suspend your disbelief a moment and pretend I’m Aladdin.  First of all, don’t act like you’ve never fantasized yourself as a Disney character; and second, this post will be far more entertaining if every word is Tinker Bell-ed with the magic of Walt.

So I’m Aladdin.  Suspend your disbelief further and imagine I’m also a hockey fan.  And I like candy sunsets.  With unicorn rainbows.  Because imagination is fun.

It goes without saying life is pretty tough on the streets living a nefarious existence as a thief with only a monkey and some puck to entertain myself.  But I can dream!  I can dream of a better life, Princess Jasmine and a strap for Abu’s hat!  I can also dream of a better NHL, because whom among any serious hockey fan doesn’t postulate over ways to improve the great frozen game?

Well imagine I’m cast into a cave (my basement) filled with endless treasure (my sports memorabilia) thanks to the shady Jafar (fate).  Before my imprisonment I happen to steal the magic lamp, upon which I give a casual rub, and POOF! – a mix of Robin Williams, Casper and the Blue Man Group emerges with a fine song and dance routine.

Yadda yadda yadda, I get three wishes.  Now Jasmine can wait, and as the only Persian hockey fan in the 16th century I have a lot of issues with winter’s favorite game.  But I have to pick three.

Naturally I decide to use them all to fix the NHL schedule…

WISH #1: START EVERY REGULAR SEASON SEPTEMBER 1st

One of the NHL’s key problems is its failure to maximize its exposure on the sports calendar.  They probably think they’re doing a fine job, of course, but they would also be Iago in this story.

As it stands, the season is 9 months long from training camp to Stanley Cup parade.  It stacks right on top (or rather below) the NFL season, the NBA season, March Madness and various other events like The Masters.  Obviously, it’s impossible to avoid scheduling conflicts entirely, but the NHL needs a serious fine tuning in order to command as much attention as possible.

A good place to start is, well, the start of the season.  In places where hockey measures (Canada and the northern US), autumn starts in September.  People are ready for hockey in September.  Folks start to get excited for the NHL in August, then September rolls around and they have to endure 3 weeks of training camp and a horrid preseason.  Why?  When kids everywhere begin their minor hockey seasons, why do the pros lag behind?  Many of the league’s coaches and players admit they don’t need 8 preseason games.  They’ve already been training for weeks, the people want it, so what’s the holdup?

Start training camps in mid August, cut the preseason in half (4 games) and begin September 1st.  The playoffs would then begin in early March and finish in mid-late May, shifting the focus in their favor.

The fixed start date is important.  The way it is now, no one knows when the season begins.  Some years it’s the first week of October while in others like an Olympics season it’s the second week.  Stop it.  Picking one opening night and sticking with it, whether it’s on the weekend or a Tuesday, will add consistency and a powerful branding tool to breed more fans.  It provides something to look forward to on a yearly basis.  You won’t notice the results the first year, or the second, but in time even the most casual hockey fan will come to know September 1st as the first day of hockey, much like Christmas Day has become known for the NBA or American Thanksgiving for the NFL.

But Magic Carpet Points Out: “What about the start of the NFL season?”

True, the NFL season begins in early September as well.  The first Thursday after Labor Day in fact.  So what?  Week 2 of the NFL preseason dwarfs NHL regular season numbers in the US (For example, one of the lowest rated NFL preseason games of 2013 earned a 4.2 rating, while the recent Maple Leafs vs. Red Wings “Winter Classic” earned a 2.5).  Beginning the season in the build-up to the NFL’s kickoff hardly matters.  Besides, the 1st is before Labor Day so you’ll actually beat football to the punch.

On this note, why in the name of Raja does the NHL schedule hockey on Superbowl Sunday?  Or during the final round of The Masters?  We know the dates of those events like 5 years in advance – pick another day.  If this sounds subservient then get real, hockey was just listed behind auto racing in the US in terms of popularity.  Pick your spots, don’t pick a fight you’ll lose.

WISH #2 – REDUCE SEASON TO 58 GAMES (HOME-AND-HOME AGAINST EACH TEAM)

Obviously.  Hockey shouldn’t be played in May, let alone June.  Seemingly everyone agrees with this.  Fans, players, whomever.  In what universe, real or Disney, do people want to watch hockey when it’s 70+ degrees outside?  They don’t.  Not even Canadians do.

Owners do, of course, and while I agree with making money and all I sincerely doubt the current situation screams dollar signs.  In Economics 101 parlance, I doubt the marginal utility of the number of games played is at its peak (this is the part when a better journalist would provide you with charts and graphs backing up their claim).  The product is over-saturated.  There is no scarcity.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone part of the NFL’s ridiculous success can be attributed to the fact it is – by far – the most palatable sport of the major 3 1/2.  Its schedule is the most agreeable with the way we consume our entertainment.  16 games over 17 weeks plus playoffs.  Games played almost entirely on Sundays.  6 months from training camp to Super Bowl.  It’s easy to fit into the schedule and conducive to interaction on social media, around the water cooler or with your future Sultan father-in-law at Thanksgiving dinner.

To remind you, the NHL is 9 months from training camp to Stanley Cup… NINE.  The games are scattered haphazardly throughout the week, making constant schedule checks necessary if you want to know when you’re favorite team plays (more on this in Wish #3).  So few – let alone the younger target audience – have patience for this.

Play each team once in each other’s barns.  29 opponents.  58 games.

But Abu Points Out: “What about the owners?  Would they ever go for this?”

Good question, biped.

It will probably take Jafar’s hypnotic staff to convince owners less games would strengthen hockey’s demand.  But surely there are some who can see 58 games would drastically increase each game’s importance and decrease player injury risk?  Surely there are owners who realize live rights in television and internet is the future, not admissions and concessions?

Yes a leap of faith is required… “One Jump” if you will.  Even the Genie will have a hard time with this one.

WISH #3 – EACH TEAM PLAYS TUESDAY, THURSDAY & SATURDAY

Dovetailing with my first 2 wishes, predictability is essential to the modern audience.  The NFL plays on Sunday, The Masters takes place the first weekend of April, and Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest goes down on the 4th of July.  These are glorious spectacles and even casual fans know what’s up.

I mapped it all out.  If each team plays every Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday (note there are no NFL Sundays to contend with) then with our September 1st start date and 58 games the NHL will finish their regular season at the end of January – and that’s including a week off for Christmas!

Cue the “Prince Ali ” entrance music!

There are so many good elements to this:

1) The fans will love it.  Imagine, you will know when your favorite teams plays!  And so will Hakim and he’s just a fringe fan in order to have something in common with his guards.

2) The players and team staffs will love it… and just think, the owners could likely leverage this with a better deal in the CBA.

3) Gambling will increase… Maybe even by a lot (this is a good thing for driving interest in your sport).  With so many games played each game night it’s a gambler’s dream.  Gazeem would approve.

4) The playoffs will be center stage.  Hockey is blessed to have the stigma its playoffs are one of the best there is, so why minimize it by casting it into the sunny distraction that is summer?

With this schedule you can begin the playoffs first thing in February (but after the Superbowl), thus ending in early April.  The March Madness conflict will now only apply to hockey’s final rounds (the first rounds are the highest rated anyway) and the Cup will be handed out before The Masters and before the NBA begins its postseason.

A whole new world…

But Raja Points Out: “Actually I got nothin’ this makes too much sense.”

BONUS WISH – MAKE THE ALL STAR GAME THE ONLY OUTDOOR GAME… ON NEW YEAR’S DAY

Oh I tricked the Genie into 1 more wish again!

Outdoor hockey is good times.  It’s the only time hockey is allowed to wax poetic about itself without the baseball community setting the world on fire in a territorial rage.  But in a year with SIX outdoor contests, about 254 television profiles on “How they Build the Rink!” and the weather forecasts a constant league-wide obsession it’s safe to say the “Winter Classic” is becoming redundant.  Sure it’s fun for the host city and sure it’s a cash cow, but by next year it will seem like every team and their affiliates will have hosted a “Winter Classic” since Breaking Bad ended, so let’s pull on the reins.

This isn’t another attempt to cure the woes of the All-Star game.  Until you give each player a strong incentive to try, it’ll remain the indolent time killer it is.  No, this is to add even more pomp and circumstance to the exhibition it is, sparing everyone the need to apologize for the lack of on-ice entertainment.  Continue to rotate cities and venues.  Continue to have the fantasy draft selection process.  Just hold the game outdoors and on New Years Day.

As with the September 1st start date, the branding potential for a fixed All-Star Game is huge.  In a few short years the NHL will own at least one day in January, one more day than it currently owns at any point during the regular season.

But Abu Points Out: “What about the skills competition and World Juniors conflict?”

As for the skills competition, who wouldn’t love an outdoor NYE skills competition?  Sure the terrible ice and potential inclement weather will make it worse, but until the NHL implements the old NBA policy of inviting the best players at their respective skills – All-Star or not – no one will remember the winners anyway.

The World Juniors is the real wrench in this plan.  Canadians are so infatuated with the holiday season tournament it will be hard to lure their eyes toward All-Star weekend.  America on the other hand doesn’t seem to care about the WJC, so what have you got to lose?

… So after 4 wishes we have a significantly shorter, predictable and therefore desirable NHL season.  The season will start the same day every year, with 58 games played over 3-game weeks with a holiday break in between.  The season will finish right as the snow melts.  And to top it off we’ll have an outdoor New Years Day All-star exhibition.

Simple wishes even a street rat dream up.  Now I just need that lamp…